A Letter to my daughter on her 18th Birthday

My darling daughter,

Oh my Baby Girl. You are an adult now. The mom part of my brain is screaming "Age is just a number," but the woman part of my brain is rationalizing, "She's an adult. You've done it."

I hope I have. I hope your father and I have raised you to be a strong, independent woman.

However, I hope you realize that being strong, intelligent, independent, talented is worthless if you are not kind. I hope that we have taught you to be kind to others and generous to those less fortunate than you. I hope that we have taught you to smile in the face of adversity, and to say please and thank you even when you have to kick some ass.

I hope you are happy. Genuinely, laugh out loud happy with your life. I also hope that you know that you cannot be happy all the time but that you realize happiness is a state of mind you control. And sometimes curling up into a ball and having a good cry can make your happiness even brighter - crying can clean the soul to make you appreciate it more.

I hope you know that you can be both pretty and smart. And so can your friends. I hope you ask questions and are curious. I hope you never want to stop learning. And if a question is asked and you know the answer, don't be afraid to offer the answer.

I hope you put yourself out into the world without fear and reservation.

What advice do I have for you, my darling daughter?

While I do not know if you are heading off to college right now or if you are trying to figure your out life, I do know that whatever you are doing, I hope you are doing something with your life to make a life of value. And if you don't know what that is right now, don't worry, you will. I don't expect you to have a life plan right now. And if you do know what it is, I am sort of expecting that you will change your mind. And that is okay. I want a lifetime of happiness for you, not just short term happiness.

So, as you prepare to go off to college/travel/take a year off, here is some advice to get you through the transition to adulthood.

1. If you're asking yourself if you should have one more drink, the answer is no. I'm not even going to address the fact that you aren't 21 yet - I'm not stupid.

2. Before you take that picture of yourself, put on that outfit, or do that "crazy thing that everyone else is doing" ask yourself - would you want to show or tell your Dad about it? If the answer is no, don't do it.

3. If you haven't worn it in a year, give it away. Except for jewelry and fancy dresses.

4. Count your blessings. At the end of every day, close your eyes and give thanks. Maybe you will give thanks to God, or Mary, or whatever spiritual being you believe in. But give thanks. It will make your dreams that much sweeter.

5. Read the fine print. Your signature means something. Make sure you know what it means and what is required of you.

6. It's okay to say you don't know. I don't expect you to know everything. No one knows everything. Pretending to know everything just makes you an ass. Be human.

7. You only get one body. Love it and take care of it.

8. You don't have to let boys win.

9. It's the scary decisions that really matter.

10. If you do get married some day, marry someone like your father: funny, intelligent, warm, kind, and, most importantly, madly in love with you.

Lastly, my 18 year old, grown up daughter, remember: this is your one life. You will mess up. You will get second chances. But you don't get a "do-over." You were created out of love, but the rest of it - this life - is your journey. Make it a good one that you can be proud of.

I hope you know you can talk to me about anything.

I love you,
Mom