I Do Now

~
My kids' favorite word today is "Mom-MEE!" Not the cheerful, sweet "MOM-me" that makes me smile. No, today it's the whiny, bratty "mom-MEE!!" that sets my teeth on edge.

Their second favorite word today is "NO!"

Their third favorite word today is an ear piercing shriek.

Yup, it's one of those days.

For instance...

...did you know that my son is now tall enough to reach the water dispenser on the fridge?

I do now. On a positive note, my kitchen floor has been mopped.

Or did you know that my son now has the ability to open doors?

I do now. On a positive note, it will make giving him directions to get things out of his room easier.

Or did you know you can plug a toilet with a hairbrush, an Elmo bath doll, and a bottle of bubble bath?

I do now. And there is no positive note here, folks.

Or did you know that if you don't check your husband's pockets before you run a load of laundry, the pen he keeps in his shirt pocket will break in the wash and stain the inside of your washer and dryer (AND CLOTHES!) with black ink?

I do now. And my husband has some 'splaining to do.

Or did you know that librarians have powder to sop up urine when your almost potty trained three year old pees on the couch in the children's room?

I do now. And I don't think I can go back to that library.

Or did you know that when you strap your son into the cart seat at Walmart because he was throwing everything in the basket out, he can scream without stopping for an entire shopping trip?

I do now. And I also know that after five minutes, a Walmart Associate will come up to you and ask if you need any help in such a way that really means "Please shut your child up."

Or did you know that the moment you get in your son's face because he's screaming and say in a low, angry voice, "You WILL stop it right now or ELSE," the principal of your children's old school will be standing right there, with a slightly horrified look on her face?

I do now. And it was not my finest moment.

Or did you know that when you finally decide that you have had it and you cannot clean or parent any more, so you tell your kids that we are going to McDonald's for lunch because it is easy (and you don't really care about the lack of nutrition at this point), your children will suddenly morph into the best kids on the planet?

I do now. Now if McDonald's would put booze on their menu...