To Princess or Not to Princess?

I've been reading the new book: Cinderella Ate My Daughter:Dispatches from the Front Lines of the New Girlie-Girl Culture by Peggy Orenstein.

I was intrigued after reading some reviews, especially since my three year old has exploded into the princess world.

Basically, this book is a warning that the new girlie-girl culture is not innocent because it influences our daughters to focus more on how a girl looks rather than who she is. Orenstein's argument seems to be that somewhere during the journey from the 1960s feminist movement, to the Girl Power movement of the 1990s to today, a what a woman looks like is now the source of female empowerment. (Which I can so get on board with - after all, who doesn't feel better when they take the time to do their hair and make up before taking their kid to school, rather than dropping their kid off wearing pjs and slippers?) And that this message spreads fast and furious in today's mass commercialization culture, from Disney Princesses, to Barbie, to Bratz dolls, to the American Dolls. Orenstein also explores the world of child pageants, the color pink, and the psychological implications of what makes girls, well, girls.

Orenstein is arguing that the girlie culture of today may lead to oversexualized teenagers. However, she does make the argument that "armed with awareness and recognition, parents can effectively counterbalance its influence in their daughters' lives." Basically, that we need to raise our daughters to fight against mass consumerism.

Some of Orenstein's argument rang true to me. Some of it seemed to be total bulls#@$. And some of it shocked me.

For example, did you know that the Disney Princesses did not start getting marketed to little girls until 2000? And since then it has become a $400 BILLION industry? Or that Disney, uncomfortable with marketing the princesses outside of their own movies, never shows the princesses looking at each other?

Or that one trip to an American Doll store can set you back $110 - and that will only buy you one doll?

Or that Bratz dolls are marketed to 6-9 year old girls?

Or that 6-9 year old girls are now "pretweens" (what the hell is that)?

Or that Barbie no longer has cool jobs like when she first debuted? No more Astronaut Barbie, Flight Attendant Barbie, Real Estate Barbie? Now, Barbie is normally one of four things - Butterfly Barbie, Ballerina Barbie, Fairy Barbie, or Princess Barbie?

Or that little girls, when they are asked what they want to be when they grow up name those same four things - Butterflies, Ballerinas, Fairies, or Princesses? (Meanwhile, little boys, when asked the same question, tend to say police officer, jedi, fireman, astronaut, or power ranger.)

What am I supposed to do - raise my daughter in a cave?

Here's my take on it - for what it's worth.

My daughter loves the Disney Princesses. I love the Disney Princesses. I like that going to Disneyland and seeing the Princesses is something we can do together. But I'm also aware that there are major flaws with the Disney Princesses - so Girlie and I talk about that alot.

For example, when she asks who is my favorite princess, I say Belle, because she likes to read and is very smart. When I ask her who favorite princess is, she says Cinderella because she has a blue dress. I point out that I like Cinderella because she never gives up on her dreams.

We don't watch The Little Mermaid anymore because I hate that my daughter sees that Ariel gives up her voice in order to get a man. (Although it is one of my favorite movies and one of my guilty pleasures - when my daughter goes to sleep. Yes, I am aware of how hypocritical this is.)

I love The Princess and the Frog because Tiana works hard for what she wants, but my daughter can't stand the movie because she doesn't like frogs.

We talk about how running away from your problems isn't a good solution (as Jasmine does), and how strong Mulan is and how she fights hard to protect her family.

I'm still looking to find the silver lining for Aurora and Snow White.

And we talk about what happens after happily-ever-after -- how I bet the Princesses go to college and have friends and achieve and make new dreams. Her current favorite game is "Pretend After" where we make up stories about what the princesses do after their get their respective Prince Charmings. Her current favorite? Cinderella goes to school to learn how to color beautiful pictures of polka dots.

I have my daughter in Princess Dance Class, for the love of God, because she likes them so much. She also plays soccer and is going to join a swim team this year. I don't know if this is the right balance, but it's one I can live with.

And Disney Princesses are not all that we do. She also loves pirates and Mickey Mouse, coloring and Tonka trucks. She likes reading different types of stories and loves to go outside and run around in circles.

And when I ask her what she wants to do when she grows up she promptly tells me: "Color."

Will Disney Princesses or other mass commercialization make her an oversexualized teen?

Not if I have anything to say about it. Raising a girl is hard enough without having to battle the consumer culture as well. I'll pick my battles to the ones that are important to fight, and watch her carefully to make sure that she gets the messages that I want her to learn, not the ones marketing executives want her to hear.