Sometimes I think that if I didn't have bad luck, I would have no luck at all.
Today I got hit with two pieces of bad financial news. Bad news that made me sink to the floor, huddled in the fetal position, sobbing my eyes out because I am terrified and don't know how my family and I will cope. We're talking the type of bad news that I can't plan for, so I don't know what the next step is.
Thankfully, no one is hurt or dying, but the pieces of bad news I got are going to make life difficult for my family and me. The first bit of bad news will make life difficult long term. The second bit of bad news will make life difficult for us short term.
And since bad things happen in threes, I'm not driving anywhere tonight. Better not risk it.
So there I was, crying on the floor of the kitchen, trying to remember my meditation breathing so I didn't have a panic attack while trying to chant the phrase that is supposed to help me calm myself ("God knows my beginning, middle, and end, and I don't"), but it was coming out so quickly that it was "God knows.... God knows... God knows...." when my daughter walked into the kitchen and found me. Now, those of you with kids know that this is your worst nightmare... You never want your kids to see you like that for fear that it might scare them.
My daughter wasn't scared. She was curious. And without missing a beat, she asked "Why you crying, Momma? Don't cry. Use your words. The sun is out. The sun will make everything okay."
Oh, I should probably mention that she was playing dress up in my closet and looked like this:
Yup -- her old winter pajama top, her new ballerina tutu that I put away so she could grow into it, and my snakeskin high heels. Awesome look. My tears dried up and I started laughing. Not-manic-I-think-I'm-going-crazy-laughter, but genuine, soul healing, everything-is-going-to-be-okay-laughter.
God does know my beginning, middle, and end... and He has given me two awesome little monkeys to take care of to remind me of that when I forget.
Sometimes I forget just how lucky I am.
So sorry for the bad news. Sometimes the bad things are what we need to inspire change we couldn't imagine.
ReplyDeleteOh, Girl, I'm sorry. My heart broke thinking about you in your kitchen today. Is there any way that I can possibly help? Is there anything you need? Lean on your friends; we're here for you!
ReplyDeletePS Your blog post made me cry quite a bit tonight. Yes, we are all very blessed indeed. . .sometimes I forget that and I can use the reminder.