Definition of Mom

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I'm a mom.

This does not mean that I feed and bathe and clothe my children, although I do those things. This does not mean that I sit up with them when they are sick, or take them to the doctor, or teach them to mind their manners, although I do those things too. Anyone can do these and not be a "mom."

Being a mom means listening to the Pirates theme song 13 times in a row because it makes your daughter giggle and your son rock out in his carseat.

Being a mom means begging your child to go on the potty and then practically throwing a party when she does.

Being a mom also means going to Taco Tuesday with your mommy girlfriends and talking about potty training over $3 Coronas and $1 tacos.

Being a mom means reading the same stupid Elmo book over and over and over and over and over again because that is the only book your son will let you read to him.

Being a mom means knowing how to grocery shop while avoiding the cereal, cookie, and ice cream aisles.

Being a mom means playing princesses with your daughter while playing cars with your son -- at the same time.

Being a mom means agonizing over what would have been a simple decision in your "pre-mom" days -- perhaps about whether or not you really care that your child is watching her second movie of the day.

Being a mom means knowing how to hide veggies in oatmeal, peanut butter and jelly, and mac and cheese, since those are the only foods your daughter will eat.

Being a mom means saying "Wow! What a great drawing! Can you explain it to me?" instead of "What on earth is that?" so that you don't crush your young Picasso's feelings.

Being a mom means visiting the zoo once a week for a year so that your son can say hello to his "favorite" monkey (who you suspect died 6 months ago and the zoo got a replacement but didn't tell anyone).

Being a mom means being able to stumble into your son's room at 3:30 in the morning, change him, feed him, and tuck him back into bed without waking up yourself.

Being a mom means not blinking when your daughter comes out of her room dressed in a ballet tutu, rain boots, bathing suit, headband, and gloves.

Being a mom also means making your son change when he comes out of his room dressed in a diaper, flipflops, and a cape and proclaims that he is ready for school.

Being a mom means not shuddering at snot, vomit, poop, blood, or pee when it comes flying at you from your child, but gagging when you see another mom's child with the same gunk.

Being a mom means sometimes you will snap at your child "What do you want?!?!?" when they have been whining for 30 minutes straight (and if you haven't then you are either lying to yourself or haven't been a parent long enough).

Being a mom means being able to take one look at your child and say "Who hurt you?" when your child is not crying.

Being a mom also means that you use that "Who hurt you" moment to teach your child about forgiveness although all you want to do is to go wring the little bully's neck and smack his mother.

Being a mom means growing eyes in the back of your head, at least four extra arms, and two extra feet.

Being a mom means being strong even when you are terrified, being faithful even when you doubt, and being happy even when you want to cry.

Being a mom means that you will be under-appreciated, overwhelmed, exhausted, and irritated --and sometimes all at the same time.

Being a mom also means that you will get to hear the most beautiful laughter, see the loveliest smiles, taste the stickiest kisses, smell the sweetest after-bath-time scent, and feel the best hugs every day from your children.

Being a mom means that you will enjoy every minute of motherhood (even the ones where all you want to do is cry).