Gender Definitions

I am going to raise strong, independent children.  I've blogged about how I want my girls to have strong role models, how we talk about making the right choices here and here  -- and that is just to start.  My daughters will not be with anyone who disrespects them.  My son will be a gentleman AND know how to treat women as equals.  Which is why, when I saw this at a Target, I saw red.  I stood there and sputtered.  

At first, it looks the same, right?  But why can't girls climb trees, and boys dress up?  My daughter has climbed trees wearing fairy wings and a princess costume and my son rocks his Darth Vader/Pirate costume.  

Why can't girls build a fort?  Honestly, my daughter is better fort builder than my son.  And why can't boys dance and sing?  My son loves to make up songs.  

And why the hell can't girls get dirty?  And boys giggle and laugh?  One of my favorite memories of my kids is of both of them giggling and laughing while sitting in a mud puddle in the back yard.  

Why are gender definitions marketed to kids like this?!

  

How Do You Raise A Boy?

I found the quote below on Facebook the other day and it spoke to me not because of how to raise my daughter, but how to raise my son:

"Today I will build my daughter up. Today I will focus on her intelligence, creativity, sense of adventure, wild heart, and imagination. Today I will let my daughter get dirty, or make a mistake. Today I will reject the notion that she is just a pretty face, a delicate creature who needs pampering and consumerism to feel fulfilled. Today, I will simply let my daughter be a kid.
Today I will find ...joy in my son. Today I will cherish his dreaming mind, love of exploring, tender heart, and sparkle in his eye. Today I will let my son climb higher than my mother's heart is comfortable with, and give him the room to learn on his own. Today I will reject the notion that he is a tough guy who doesn't need art and love and compassion in order to be a mini man. Today, I will simply let my son be a kid." ~Pigtail Pals - Redefine Girly

I've mentioned in this blog and to anyone who will listen -- how I want to raise Girlie to be a kickass woman: one who can shatter the glass ceiling if she wants to, who will wear cleats and heels, one who is independent and possesses a mental and physical strength to get her through life. I don't want her to give up her power to a man (or woman) -- I want her to defy stereotypes.

And I've been so focused on her that I've neglected my son.

How do I raise him to be a kickass man: one who possess a mental and physical strength to get him through life, who can be ambitious and sensitive, who will treat women as equal but still hold the door open for them, who won't let a girl win just because she's a girl, but will still stand up for women's independence? How do I teach him to figure out who he is and not give his power away to a woman (or man)? How do I teach him to be strong and sensitive without being a wuss, to be independent and not a mama's boy but still call his mother on occasion? How do I teach him to defy stereotypes?

I don't have a clue.

There are so many books and articles out there about raising strong, independent girls and very few on how to raise strong, independent men. A quick google search on "How to Raise A Strong Man" gave me one good article -- this one -- and then an article titled "Want to Raise A Good Son? Get him a Good Man."

The point of the article is that a boy needs a strong father figure. I get that. And Boyo has one.

But it doesn't answer my fundamental question: what is MY ROLE in raising my son to be a good man? What do I talk to him about? How do I teach him to communicate and be empathetic and not objectify women? It can't all be on my husband, can it?

I know what to do with my daughter -- or at least, I have a plan. I'm clueless when it comes to my son; I don't even know where to start. And I'm worried that I've wasted three years where I could have been helping him.

“We've begun to raise daughters more like sons... but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” ― Gloria Steinem

Smart and Strong and Power

I've mentioned before - a few times - how I want to raise Girlie to be stong and independent and to think of herself as more than a pretty face or a princess.

And I believe I've mentioned that I am struggling with how to do so.

So I was quite pleased when Girlie told me the other day that she is "smart and strong."

"That's right!" I told her, mentally patting myself on my back.

"And I have power and I have to use it to fight the bad guys. And mean dogs," she continued.

"You are absolutely correct," I told her. "You are smart. And you are strong. And you do have power. But I don't want you to fight bad guys or mean dogs. I want you to tell Mommy or Daddy or the police."

"Okay," she told me with a scary gleam in her eye. "I will use my power to fight the bad guys. And then I'll kill them! And then I'll tell Daddy and the police."

Scrambling, since I was unaware that "kill them" was in her vocabulary, I debated telling her that if she killed anyone, I didn't want to know. However, I decided to be a responsible parent instead, and I inquired as to what "kill them," means.

"It means to hurt them so they can't hurt you. And you have to use your power and your smarts and your strengths."

"Right," I said slowly. "But how do you hurt them?"

"You fight them with a light saber."

No more Star Wars.