Don't. Touch. My. Baby.

~
Not that it's a great loss, but I think I've been banned from Walmart.

Why?

I may have lost my temper at a sales clerk who tried to stick a binky in my 8 week old's mouth.

See, I was chasing Boyo away from the twirling bags of death that Walmart uses to bag your purchases. And when I turn back around the sales clerk is leaning over the shopping cart, with her hand over my daughter's mouth.

"Oh," I said startled. "Please don't touch her; I can take care of it."

"Well, you had your hands full," she said.

Look, lady, I don't give a damn if my boy is swinging from the ceiling fan. If I don't know you, my hands are not "full enough" for you to put your hands (which handle money, bags, cleaning products, merchandise and God knows what else) near my daughter's mouth. Or on her binky. That she sucks on.

EWWWWWWWWWW!

"It's fine," I said with a tight smile. "I don't like strangers touching her."

"I was just trying to help," she said defensively.

Seriously? She needed to apologize and move on. What was she waiting for - a thank you? It wasn't happening.

"I understand," I told her. "But I don't like strangers touching my daughter's face or hands."

I don't know why I was explaining myself. I really don't. I should have grabbed my kids, left what I wanted to purchase, and gone to Target.

"There's no reason to get upset," the clerk informed me, her hands on her hips. I'm not making that up. She put her hands on her hips.

"Actually, there's every reason for me to be upset," I snapped.

The manager, who was ringing me up, was looking back and forth at us like she was watching a tennis game. And while I wasn't yelling, I had my full on, don't-f@#%-with-me-or you-will-rue-the-day-(that's-right,-I-said-RUE-THE-DAY!)-teacher voice going on. Even Boyo was behaving himself. He knows what that voice means.

The clerk, however, was dumber than a two year old because she kept pressing the issue.

"Well, you don't need to yell at me," she sniffed.

"I'm not yelling," I said tightly. "But I am about to."

At that point, the manager finally decided to step in. And she sided with the clerk. After she handed me back my credit card, she told me, "Perhaps you should go home until you calm down."

Don't worry, Lady. I don't plan on calming down enough to set foot in your store again.