Breastfeeding Myths, Rules, and Regulations

These are actual rules, regulations, and (what I have termed) myths that I actually heard from the nurses at the hospital. They refused to give me formula when I asked for it in desperation at 3 in morning the second day of life. They also refused to give me a binky for my daughter when I was getting carpel tunnel from letting her suck on my pinky for an hour. Their excuse? This is a "baby friendly hospital." Fine. Next time (if there is a next time), I'm going to a "mommy friendly hospital."

1. It doesn't hurt.

Bullsh@#. Right now, I'm claiming BS. Now, if you were to rephrase - it doesn't hurt after the first 3 weeks -- yes, that I can get on board with.

2. Your baby will know what to do; after all, it's natural. Listen to your baby.

Oh, this is a WAAAAAAAY bigger lie than number one. How is the kid, who gets scared when it sees it's own hand, going to know what to do? It's a learning process for both Mommy and Baby.

3. Once your milk comes in, everything will be easier.

Except for the fact that engorgement hurts. And makes you look like a porn star.

4. Don't give bottles to the baby until week 4 - you don't want to create nipple confusion.

True. But I also need to sleep. So the kid is getting a bottle once a night. I don't think my baby is stupid; she'll figure out pretty quick that Mommy's "equipment" is different than a bottle. And getting a bottle once a day won't scar her for life or make her refuse my breast. I did this with my son, and you know what - I got over my PPD that much faster when I could SLEEP FOR FIVE HOURS STRAIGHT.

5. Don't give binkies to the baby until week 4 - for the same reason as number 4. After all, God gave your child (hopefully) 10 "natural" binkies - her fingers.

My parents, the gap in my teeth, $7000 in orthodontia, and the fact that I sucked my thumb until I was WAY too old would disagree with this rule. And knowing that my parents followed it and tried to give me a binky after 4 weeks (which I then refused, desiring my thumb instead), makes me disagree too. The kid gets a binky when she doesn't want to eat but still wants to suck - because letting her suck on me just makes me sore and cracked and bleed. And how do I know the difference? I just do. I'm her mom.

And that, right there, is my problem with all of these rules, regulations, and myths. If I hear one more time, "Well, the American Pediatrics Association recommends...," I may lose my mind. The American Pediatrics Association is not at my house at 2 in the morning when I'm engorged and hysterical because my daughter can't latch on and I. just. want. to. go. to. sleep. Nor is the APA around to take care of my other two kids when I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Lastly, the American Pediatrics Association doesn't have to pay dental bills in 13 years.

The American Pediatrics Association can recommend. And I promise to take their recommendations seriously. But don't refuse to give me the help I'm requesting because the APA says so. The APA also said to drink a Guinness a day to encourage breast milk production 30 years ago and that formula was best 20 years ago. Give me the current information and let me make up my mind. I'll probably end up doing something in the middle - as long as it works for me and my child and my family.

After all, I'm the mother.