Kiddie - Isms

BabyGirlie: 
~
"Baby, what does a kitty say?"
"MEOW"
"What does a duckie say?"
"QUACK QUACK?"
"What does a puppy say?"
"PUPPY!"
"What does a cow say?"
"MEOW"

Two out of four isn't that bad, right?

~
She tattles now....

"Mommy!  Mommy!"

"Yes honey bear?"

"Daddy no bee bow no glap ball no bee nat glup NO DADDDY!"

~
Me: BabyGirlie, are you supposed to jump on the couch?


BG: grinning, "No, no Mommy," as she jumps off the armrest....



Boyo:
 ~
"I nin't hit my sister.  I moved her out of my way."

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"Mommy, when I'm 7 I can see Star Wars with the hot lava.  And when I'm 1300 I can see Spiderman."

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"I think, when I grow up, I'm going to work with you."

"Why, Bug?"

"So I can play computer games too."

Girlie:
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"SLOW DOWN!  We are being SLOWPOKES and you are being a FASTPOKE!"

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"I'm going to miss when my sister doesn't sing any songs and dance around.  She's my little singing baby."

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"Mommy, I'm not tattling on my brother.  I'm just telling you a story about what he did... That was naughty." 

Why I Ask Boyo Questions

Me: "Boyo, what number do you want on your T-ball Jersey?"
Boyo: "Uh, 100, I think."

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Me: "Boyo, why did you put your marshmallows in your water?"
Boyo: "Because I like that!  WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!" (screaming and running around the house).

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Me: "Boyo, what is a good fire safety rule?"
Boyo: "No hitting."
Me: "That's a good rule in general, dude.  But what is a good rule to make sure we don't have fires?"
Boyo: "To be quiet cuz you have a headache."

~
Me: "How was school?"
Boyo: "Not good."
Me: "Uh oh.  What happened?"
Boyo: "The girls keep trying to marry me."
Me: "What do you do when they try to marry you?"
Boyo: "I run away, screaming WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

~
Me: "Dude, did you help yourself to a brownie?"
Boyo: "Uh, no."
Me: "Then why is their chocolate on your face?"
Boyo: "BabyGirlie made me eat it."
Me: "Dude, she's half your size."
Boyo: "Mommy, she's little but she's quick." 

~
Me: "Boyo, do you know what Mom's job is?"
Boyo: "To make the baby stop crying.  And to wipe our butts."

~
Me:  "Boyo, why are you wearing your clothes backwards?"
Boyo: "So no one will see me coming."

 

Ten Minutes With Boyo

During the 10 minute drive to the movie theater last night....

~ "Mommy, I don't have to die on the cross, right?  Cuz Jesus did it for me?"

~"That's tall grass where skunks live! They pee on you with stinky pee.  Poppa got peed on with a skunk and stinky pee.  TWO TIMES."

~"My favorite part of today was going to the carnival.  I liked hitting the baby the best."

~"BIG CANNONBALL KISSES!"

~"There is no one behind us now so you can go in that lane."

~"Mommy, when I grow up I want to do what you do -- play games on the computer."

~"Mommy, I have three girlfriends.  It's hard to have three girlfriends.  I think when I am five I will only have two."

~"Mommy, did you know that seven comes after six?"

~"In Star Wars, Lando tricks Han.  I don't like Lando.  Han should cut him to ribbons." 

~"IT'S NOT YOUR TURN TO TALK!"

~"I see a box that the juice for the lights comes from.  And fireworks."

~"That's the way to Baby Beach!  Let's go there."

~"Tomorrow, when we go to Disneyland, can we go on the pony roller coaster?"

~"This is where the movie is!  And sticks!"

Sentence Structure

BabyGirlie is beginning to understand the concept of sentence structure. 

She has moved from "No" being her favorite word to "I WANT IT" being her favorite phrase. 

And last week she realized that "I want it" actually means something. 

So she screams, "I WANT IT" as often as possible, while pointing to the object of her desire. 

And if I say no, because I'm a mean mommy and don't want her to die from a penny, Lego, knife, or whatever else she has decided she wants, the tantrum starts.

It begins with her face slowly crumbling, while she watches me with knowing eyes.

When I don't fall for the face crumble, one or two big, fat tear drops settle on her cheeks.

When I still don't budge, she begins to shake her head violently, screaming, "NO I WANT IT! NO I WANT IT! NO I WANT IT!" This part of the tantrum normally lasts for five minutes if I can't distract her.

Side note - five minutes is a very long time when you are in a grocery store and people are watching you.

After the face crumble, crocodile tears, and five minute scream fest, she stops, gains control of herself, and then puts her sweet little arms up and says, "Mommy up?  Mommy up?  Mommy I want up." 

So I pick her up and soothe.  She snuggles in, gives me a kiss, and pets my face.  And then she says, "Mommy, I see it.  Mommy, I want it."

And round two commences. 

Girlie-isms

~

"Mom, can you do this?" she asked as she curled her tongue.

"Yup, see?" I showed her.

"No, no, no.  You have to have spit in the middle of it."

~

After she got smacked in the face by her brother's light saber (which he swears was an accident), I asked her what would make it better.  She sniffed and then said, "New shoes."

~


"Mommy, can I have chicken steak for dinnner?"

"Uh... why?"

"Cuz it has protein.  And I need it."

"Why do you need protein?"  (don't panic, people without a sense of humor.  I know my kids need protein.  I wanted to see what she would say)

"So I can have long hair.  Like Rapunzel."

~

"So I have the little Merida with the blue dress and the little Merida with the green dress.  And I have the big Merida with blue dress.  I need the big Merida with the green dress."

"Kiddo, two questions.  Why do you need four Meridas?  And how did you get three Meridas?"

"Mom.  So they are evens.  And because I'm awesome."


~

"Daddy?  I love you."

Hubs: "I love you too kiddo."

"Daddy?"

Hubs: "Yes Kiddo?"

"I farted." 

~

"When you kiss someone, that makes them your husband.  And Joshua is my husband."

Me (trying to act nonchalant): "Oh?  Did Joshua kiss you at school today?"

"No.  I kissed him." 

Dear Lord.

Overheard At My House

~
Girlie: Wailing from the living room "Brother drank my juice!"

Boyo: "Sister's not sharing!"

~

Girlie: "You aren't being silly. You are just joking."

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Boyo: At the top of his lungs: "BE QUIET. WE AWE IN CHUWCH!"

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Girlie: "The baby is talking to me!"

Me: "Awwwwww, that's so sweet. What is she saying?"

Girlie: "That you should buy me a new Belle doll."

~

Boyo (peering into the fireplace): "Santa going to get diwty. We need to open da gate."

~

Me: "What do you guys want to do today?"
Girlie: "Lots of stuff."
Me: "Like what?"
Girlie: "You know... paint our nails... play hide and seek... eat lunch... watch a show... Girl stuff."
Me: "If we do Girl stuff, what is your brother going to do?"
Girlie: "We'll put him outside."

~
Boyo: (glaring at me after being put in penalty box for being mean to his sister): "Santa no bwing you pwesents! You BERY NAUGHTY!"

We Still Have Some Work To Do

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I've been trying to teach Boyo and Girlie to work out their differences without involving me. Why?

I'm busy with the baby and work. And I'm tired. And, most importantly, if I have to referee one more whiny, "S/He hi-iiit me!" I'm going to lose my ever-lovin' mind.

If you aren't bleeding, and there is not a body part I have to tape back on, I don't want to hear about it.

So I have convinced myself that this doesn't make me a sh#$%y mother; rather, I am teaching my children conflict resolution skills.

And yesterday, I was sitting outside in the rocker feeding the baby while the older two painted. Boyo, of course, smacked Girlie because he could.

"Hey," Girlie snapped. "Don't hit me. You have to apology!" And no, that is not a typo. She said apology. Not apologize. Apology. Instead of laughing, though, I was patting myself on the back for giving them the verbal cues to use.

Boyo, however, was having none of that. After all, his big sister is smaller than he is. Why should he listen to her? Besides, the ants crawling up the side of the picnic table were much more interesting. "What them doing Mom-mee?" he asked me.

Wisely, I chose to stay out of it.

"Brother," Girlie all but growled. "You. Hit. Me. That's not nice! Now say your apology."

Boyo looked at Girlie and then looked at me. I hid my self satisfied smile and tried to look stern.

"Sorry," he sang out to his sister.

"Wow, guys, that's really goo--" I began to praise before Girlie interrupted me.

"Now say it like you mean it," she yelled at her brother.

"No!" he yelled back.

"Fine!" Girlie yelled.

And smacked him in the arm.

Sigh..........

Overheard at our house...

~
"Don't put me in the monkey cage Momma. Put me in the Monkey house." ~Boyo

"I have a froggy in my throat. You get a froggy in your throat and then you have a baby." ~Girlie (Is THAT how that works... No wonder my contraceptives haven't been working...)

"Is it Christmas?!" ~Girlie (after seeing her daddy go into the rafters to get more baby crap.

"Don't strangle me! Strangle my brother!" ~Girlie. (Where did she learn strangle?!?)

"Dog, you need a hobby." ~My husband, after tripping over the dog for the fourth time in 3 minutes.

"Have fun at the bachelor party. Remember - I don't mind strippers. I have a problem with hookers." ~Me, kissing my husband goodbye Saturday night.

Things Said Around My House....

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Boyo: (finishing his ABCs) "No no no my abc's... sing with me next time"

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Girlie: (after playing Horsie with brother and her daddy). "Don't play on Daddy! He's not a jungle gym, he's a horsie!"

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Girlie: (Saying her prayers with Daddy). "And God Bless Mommy. And God Bless Daddy. And God Bless Me. And God Bless Baby Sister."

Daddy: "And God Bless Brother."

Girlie: "No thanks."

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Boyo: (at Disneyland) "I go find Nemo."

Girlie: "It's not hard. He's in Tomorrowland."

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Girlie, after she found a clover: "Lookit Momma! It's a mushrock!"

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Boyo: "No noodles. Cookies."

Me: "If you eat five bites of noodles, you can have a cookie."

Boyo: "Fife cookies, one noodle."

God, they learn negotiation young.

~
Girlie: "I like that Princess coloring book. Maybe I can have it for my birthday."

Me: "Honey Girl, there is no way you are getting everything you see for your birthday."

Girlie: "Well, maybe Santa will bring it my party."

Crazy Things My Girlie Says

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"When I grow into a boy, can I still wear dresses?"

"I don't want to get burned... do I?"

"I don't know how to color, I got short hands."

"I'm going to be the princess and Brother is going to be the monster. And then I'm going to save myself because I'm a strong, pendent girl!!"

(after I got my hair cut) "Don't worry, Momma, it will grow back."

"I don't want my hair cut, it will hurt me." (For those of you who don't know, my daughter only has a little cap of blonde hair.)

"Christmas is over!! Now it's time for Halloween!"

(Christmas night, as she's falling asleep) "When Santa comes back tonight, will you tell him I want a scooter?"

"Momma, I love you always!"

Talking

~
I woke up this morning with a sore throat.

When I started thinking about it - frantically wondering if I'm contagious, are my kids going to get sick, who gave me this virus/bug/cold/plague - I realized that I'm not sick; my throat hurts from talking so much.

Since I've been home with my kids all day, I'm probably talking twice as much as I did last year, when I was working.

The irony is that I was a teacher. So you would think I would have talked more last year than I would have this year.

But I wasn't that kind of teacher. I didn't lecture day in and day out. My students and I had thoughtful discussions... sure, some discussions were like pulling teeth, but mostly I said things like:

"Hmmmm... that is an interesting point. What do you think about what President Obama said last night, Susie? Oh, you didn't watch the news? How do you expect to do well in American Government if you don't know what is going on in the world?"

Or: "No, Jane, I'm pretty sure the Great Depression did not happen because the president was sad."

Or (my personal favorite): "Please clear everything off your desk for your test. Any last minute questions/comments/concerns/prayers/bribes?"

But this year, I'm talking twice as much, and I'm saying things like:

"No, we don't hit our sister/brother... Hey, I just said no hitting! That's very naughty! You give him/her a hug and say you're sorry."

Or: "I don't know why the dog next door is barking. Maybe because you screamed really loud and woke it up?"

Or: "Stop shrieking right now! I'm not raising a bunch of baboons!" (at this point, my children normally start giggling and making monkey noises.)

Or: "Do I have to count to three? One... Two..."

I think my throat is sore because I'm trying not to yell this year.

Things Overheard in my Household

~
1. "Brudder and I are good. You and Daddy are bad biggies. You make bad choices."

2. "Boyo, do you want a cheese sandwich?"
"NO!"
"Okay, what do you want to eat?"
"KAT!"

3. "I get two birthdays. Brudder doesn't have any."

4. "We need to move my shoes so the whale doesn't eat 'em."

5. "Baby Girl, can you come here please?"
"Yes, dear!"

6. "I love you, my little munchkins."
"I love you too Little Mommy, but brudder doesn't love you so I should get a cookie."

7. "I don't hafta go potty. I already went for a hundred years."

8. "Baby Girl, you don't get to yell. Only Mommy and Daddy get to yell."

9. "Boyo, put down the fireplace poker. We do not try to kill Sissy in this house."

And my personal favorite:

10. "Is it bad that I'm taking prenatal vitamins with wine?"

Things my daughter says...

1. "Hickory Dickory Dock, Mickey Mouse ran up the clock...."

2. Me: "What happens on Easter?"
Sweet Girl: "The Easter Bunny comes and brings chocolate."

3. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 15, 19, 3"

4. "ABC...NMNOP...XYZ... Now you know your ABCs, next time won't you sing for marshmellows..."

5. "It's raining, it's pouring, the nice man is snoring..."

6. "Happy Birthday Daddy!"
Daddy: "My birthday is September."
Baby Girl: "Okay, we have cake now."

7. Me: "Why did you take that from your brother? He was playing with it!"
Baby Girl: "Because I want it."

8. Me: "Sweetie, you and your brother are making Momma crazy."
Baby Girl: "Okay."

9. Me: "Are we going to have a happy day or a sad day?"
Baby Girl: "A noodle day!"

10. "My tummy hurts. I need a popsicle."

11. "I don't feel good."
Me: "Oh no! What hurts?"
Baby Girl: "My earrings."
Me: "You don't have earrings."
Baby Girl: "I want some."

12. "I tired. I want a nap on brother's couch."
Me: "How about your bed."
Baby Girl: "Okay. We put brother's couch on my bed."

13. "There is a blue dinosaur in my green window. It needs marshmallows."

14. "Look at my face. You are on TIME OUT! Look at my face! No talking! You very naughty!"

15. Me: "How is my sweet girl? Are you happy?"
Sweet Girl: "I sure am!"