Someone needs to catch up...

Hubs: The baby is really starting to hit all kinds of milestones.

Me: She should, she's almost 6 months old.

Hubs: That can't be right.

Me: Why not?

Hubs: Because I just accepted the fact that you are pregnant with her. 

Scavenger Hunt!

I haven't been a good mom lately. Between sleep training and work, my patience and attention span has been at an all time low.  So I decided the kids needed a special treat -- something fun for them and Mommy and Daddy.

Then I saw an idea for a scavenger hunt on Pinterest.  (I can't decide if I like or hate Pinterest).  So scavenger hunt it was... with an X-marks the spot treasure and everything.  They had a blast.  My husband was excited.  And I couldn't stop laughing. 

And they are off!

Their reading skills are low and I am not known for my artistic ability

Daddy gave them the first clue.

Girlie figured it out first.

But they worked the puzzles together.

What could it be?

Woohoo! The prize!

An Epic Battle

What is this, you might be thinking?

A very, very epic battle.  In the dark.  Cuz that is cool.

This Is What A Good Brother Looks Like

His sister wanted to go into the bathroom by herself, but was afraid to lock the door. 

He said he would guard it, so no one would walk in on her.

This kid's going to make someone a great husband some day.

Legos

My son never asks me to play Legos.  

It's something he and his Daddy do together.  

So when he asked me the other day (Daddy was at work, and I was second choice, but whatever, I'll take it), I made a big deal out of how flattered I was to play.  

I immediately sat down, grabbed the Lego Star Fighter he had made and begin to fly it around the room, saying "Ptchew, Ptchew," like I had seen  him and his Daddy do.

"No, no, no!" Boyo said, very distraught.  "Dat's NOT how we pway!"

"Oh, okay,"  I said surprised.  "How do we play?"

"You go through the box to find the Storm Trooper's head," he instructed me.

I began to get the feeling that I was being played -- not getting to play, rather my Mommy finding skills were being dug out.  

 

So I spent the next hour, digging through this:  

To find a head for this: 

That's love, people.

And while I was digging, I unearthed all sorts of Lego weapons.  Apparently, Lego men have organized and created a militia.  Who knew?

And it quickly became VERY apparent that I was raised with three sisters.

"Here's a tree," I told my son.

"That's a grappling hook," he informed me.

"Oh.  Well, here's a wrench."

"That's a storm trooper arm," he said.

"Oh.  Well, here's a knife," I told him.

"MOM.  That's a sword.  Maybe we should wait for Daddy to come home."

I'm not sure if I'm sad to be fired or relieved. 

Love is a battlefield.

After Valentine's Day, Boyo sat down next to me with his Valentine's and sighed.

"What's up, buddy?" I asked a little absentmindedly -- I was working at the time.

"These are from my three girlfriends," he said.

Well, that sure got my attention.

"Three girlfriends?" I asked.

"Yes.  I have three," he said matter of factly.  "They are in my class."

"Girl friends or girlfriends?" I asked.

Apparently, the difference in definitions was lost on my 4 year old.  "Girlfriends, I guess," he shrugged.  Then he sighed again.  "It's really hard having 3 girlfriends."

~~~~~~~~~~

"Mommy, Joshua wants me to marry him," she told me.

"Oh.  Um, do you want to marry him?" I asked her.

"I don't think so.  I told him I wanted to be just friends."

Great.  My 5 year old has all ready learned the standard break up line.  If I ever hear her say "It's not you, it's me," I'm going to hide under my bed. 

And This is Why I Love My Husband

Getting dinner the other night, I lost my train of thought.

"What am I doing?" I mumbled to myself.

"I ask myself that all the time," my husband said.

"You ask yourself what you are doing?" I said, a bit absentmindedly.

"Nope. I ask myself what you are doing," he shot back with a grin.

Is it any wonder that I love that man?

Star Wars

My son and daughter share my husband's love of Star Wars. My husband has a pop up Star Wars book that Boyo loves to look at with him.

And if you ask Girlie who her favorite princess is, she will gleefully shout out "Leia!"

But what made my husband really burst with pride? Girlie's synopsis of the entire saga.

She pointed to a picture of Darth Vader and explained it to me (since I don't "get" Star Wars): "Momma, this is Darth Vader. He is not a bad guy, but he makes bad choices when he listens to the Memperor. But when he listens to his son, he makes good choices and saves the day! The End."

I'm surrounded.

Before and After

My husband rocks.

Truly, 2 am is not my finest hour.

~
I didn't really breastfeed my older two kids.

I realize that the Breastfeeding Gestapo will gasp in horror at this and may try to hunt me down. Fine.

I realized something when I tried to breastfeed my daughter. Newborns eat about every two hours. Even at night.

Game over.

If I do not get at least six hours of sleep straight, I turn into Medusa. And even with 6 hours, I will still exhibit Medusa like qualities. Just not the head full of snakes.

So I admitted with my daughter that I was entirely too selfish, and after two weeks she got formula.

With my son, I was able to breastfeed him during the day. He got a bottle of formula at night. My husband fed him.

But with Baby Girl, I really wanted to breastfeed. Plus, you know, we don't have the money for formula. So I sucked it up.

Is it easy? Let's just say it's getting easier. But the one thing that makes it really easy? I WILL NOT FEED HER BETWEEN 12 AM and 5 AM. (Take that, Breastfeeding Gestapo!)

Please do not call the police. I'm not letting her scream hungrily in her bassinet. If she wakes up during that time period, she gets a bottle of breast milk. And my husband has to feed it to her, because I don't want to create nipple confusion. (At least, that's my story, and I'm sticking to it.)

This plan has been mostly working. Except for the other night.

I fed the baby at 11 pm. I put her in the bassinet. My husband had fallen asleep earlier, so I shook him awake and told him that he was in charge of the baby.

Then I did the dishes, picked up the living room, and went to bed around 11:30.

Boyo woke up at 12. "I haf a bad dweam, Mom," he told me pitifully when I stumbled into his room.

I sympathized and soothed, tucked him back in, and returned to bed.

At 1 am, I woke up to Baby Girl screaming her head off in the bassinet. I lightly tapped my husband. "Baby needs you," I told him. "The bottle's on the nightstand."

He sat up, scooped up the baby, and held her right next to my head where she continued to scream. He did not give her a bottle. He did not change her. He rocked her and said, "Shhhhhhhhhhh," for about 30 minutes.

At this point, I was imagining punching my husband. So instead I snatched the baby from him and began to breastfeed her.

My husband laid back down and went to sleep. The phrase "I saw red," doesn't even begin to cover it.

I lost my mind. "Are you awake?" I snarled. He snored. "WAKE UP!" He snored again.

I punched him in the shoulder. He startled awake. Just to be sure he was awake though, I punched him again. "WHAT?" he snapped. "I'm awake! You didn't have to punch me!"

"You should be thankful all I did was punch you!" I snapped back. "Did you hear ANYTHING I told you tonight?"

"No, but I'm awake now. What do you need?"

I sputtered in anger. Baby Girl began to fuss again. I thrust the baby at him. "She's done eating. Burp her. Take her into the living room. Put her in her swing. Here's a bottle. Now get the f#@% out of here so I can go to sleep!!"

He sleepily took the baby and left. I laid down and seethed, thinking murderous thoughts, but then I realized that I would have 3 kids to raise by myself. (I'm joking! I love my husband even when I hate him, to quote Crazy Stupid Love. It's just hard to remember that at 2 in the morning.)

And 30 minutes after he left? Girlie climbed into bed with me and proceeded to kick me for 3 hours in her sleep.

I'm beginning to think sleep is for the weak.

Overheard at our house...

~
"Don't put me in the monkey cage Momma. Put me in the Monkey house." ~Boyo

"I have a froggy in my throat. You get a froggy in your throat and then you have a baby." ~Girlie (Is THAT how that works... No wonder my contraceptives haven't been working...)

"Is it Christmas?!" ~Girlie (after seeing her daddy go into the rafters to get more baby crap.

"Don't strangle me! Strangle my brother!" ~Girlie. (Where did she learn strangle?!?)

"Dog, you need a hobby." ~My husband, after tripping over the dog for the fourth time in 3 minutes.

"Have fun at the bachelor party. Remember - I don't mind strippers. I have a problem with hookers." ~Me, kissing my husband goodbye Saturday night.

He has WAAAAAAAAY more patience than I do...

~
I've documented my children's penchant for saying "Why?" constantly.

Sure enough, the Why-Monster raised it's ugly head again today.

Girlie: "What are you doing to my brother?"

Dear Husband: "Changing his diaper."

Girlie: "Why?"

DH: "Because he peed."

Girlie: "Why?"

[I should interject at this point, I would have said, "Because he's a little boy." And when Girlie responded with why again, I would have shot back with with a "Because God made him that way." And if I got another why, I would have shut it down with "You'll have to ask God." Not my husband. Oh no. He followed this through to the bitter end.]

DH: "Because he drank a lot of water."

Girlie: "Why?"

DH: "Because it's hot outside."

Girlie: "Why?"

DH: "Because it's summer."

Girlie: "Why?"

DH: "Because this hemisphere is closer to the sun right now."

Girlie: "Why?"

DH: "Because it's a cycle."

Girlie: "Oh."

My husband's a show off.

Things I've Overheard Since I've Been on Bedrest....

My son:
"I love you Momma. I miss you Momma."

"I haf a knife, Momma."

"Lookit me Momma! I haf a penis!" (after my son ran into my room wearing a swimming ring and nothing else)

My daughter:
"Where's Baby K? Momma, you went to the hospital! You told me you were going to the hospital to have my baby sister? Momma, did you tell an untruth?"

"Momma, I set the table, so you can just lie in bed!" (and she did - one plate, 3 spoons, and 4 cups of water... for a family of 4 to eat dinner).

"I wanna swim naked too!"

"Lookit Momma, I can spit up in the air!"

My husband:
"Boyo, why did I put you in a white tshirt?"

"If you splash in the tub again, you won't get a bath for a month!!"

"GUYS! Why is the towel in the pool?"

"Did you not hear what the doctor said? Get your a*$ back in bed!!"

Happy Father's Day, Honey!

"What Makes A Dad

God took the strength of a mountain,
The majesty of a tree,
The warmth of a summer sun,
The calm of a quiet sea,
The generous soul of nature,
The comforting arm of night,
The wisdom of the ages,
The power of the eagle's flight,
The joy of a morning in spring,
The faith of a mustard seed,
The patience of eternity,
The depth of a family need,
Then God combined these qualities,
When there was nothing more to add,
He knew His masterpiece was complete,
And so, He called it ... "DAD!"

Author Unknown

Happy Mother's Day to me!

Here is what I have learned this Mother's Day....

1. My daughter cannot keep a secret. Not even a little bit.

2. My son thinks that 8 am is "sleeping in."

3. A $10 bubble machine from Target = Mommy getting to watch The Mentalist uninterrupted.

4. When you go to Burke Williams for a pregnancy massage, they will feel bad that you cannot use the jacuzzi/sauna/steam room. So they will give you a milk bath for free.

5. When the jets to the milk bath break, they will give you another one. Still f0r free.

6. Milk baths are awesome.

7. Burke Williams will give you a cookie on Mother's Day when you leave.

8. I miss getting to read the Sunday paper and drink coffee uninterrupted.

9. This recipe for oven baked bbq chicken is awesome.

10. My husband is awesome. I love you, honey! Thanks for a great day!

Potpourri

~
My son walked into the kitchen as naked as can be, grabbed a dish towel, wrapped it around his neck, and looked up at me. "I hewo, MomME," he told me.

"No you aren't," my daughter shot back. "You're naked."

~
Discussing swim lessons with my daughter:

"And you will learn to swim with a teacher; Mommy won't get in the water this year."

Girlie: "I don't want a teacher. I want Daddy to teach me to swim."

Daddy: "I'll teach you to swim. You probably won't like it, but you'll be water safe."

Me: "Or she'll be afraid of the water and Mommy will be P-I-S-S-E-D."

Daddy: "Either way, she's still water safe."

~
I caught my daughter sucking her peas off of her plate. "What on earth are you doing?" I asked her.

"Pretending to be a fork," she told me matter of factly.

~
My husband asked me the other night if we were done having kids after the baby is born. We had always said we wanted four, but now we are really tired.

"I don't know," I said with exhaustion. "Can we get through this pregnancy and the first year before we decide?"

"I suppose that is fair," he replied.

"I would sign on for one more if you could guarantee it would be a boy," I told him.

"I'm afraid I can only give you 50-50 odds," he shot back.

~
I woke up to my son screaming, "MomME, I need you!" at 3 in the morning the other day. I stumbled into his room and patted his back.

"What do you need, bug?" I asked sleepily.

"Watch Hewcules now!"

~
I watched my son begin stomping my daughter's back while they were lying on my bed. Since she was giggling, I didn't want to get involved... still, it looked painful.

"What's going on guys?" I asked.

Girlie giggled: "Brother's giving me stomping kisses!"

~
My husband tends to snore when he sleeps on his back. So I gently tapped him the other night at two in the morning. "Honey," I said sleepily. "Roll over. You're snoring."

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

"Honey," I said, shaking him firmly. "You are snoring. ROLL OVER!"

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

"Honey," I snapped, elbowing him in the side. "You are SNORING. ROLL OVER!"

"SNARCK - snore, 'kay" was my response.

I kicked him in the shin. "WILL YOU ROLL OVER?" I whisper-yelled.

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

But then he rolled over. So he was facing me. And proceeded to cuddle me, effectively pinning to me to the bed. And as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard: "SNARCK - snore," in my ear.

Son of a bi@#%

~
Here's my parenting tip for the day: You know how all the experts/other mothers/doctors/strangers on the street tell you to "pick your own battles"?

Well, when your 2 year old son wants to put the ketchup on his plate all by himself, that is a battle you want to pick.

Ketchup will end up in his hair. And on the table. And on the yellow kitchen walls. And on his sister. And on you.

Gardening Day!

~
Gardening Day came to our house last weekend. Since my husband decided to plant vegetables this year, he was in charge, as I know nothing about veggies. (And have a bit of a black thumb.)

He and Girlie planted the seeds:

Boyo watered them:

And I took pictures.

My favorite part, after listening to my husband patiently explain to the kiddos the scientific process of the seeds were going to grow into a plant, was my daughter chiming in, "And then the fairies are going to come and make them all grow!"

To which my son replied, "Uh-huh! Faiwies!"

Musical Munchkins, Part II

~
I've mentioned before how much my kids love music.

Still, that has changed slightly in a year... Boyo still loves music and playing all sorts of instruments. But mostly, he's fascinated with his Daddy's guitar. He wants to bang on it, pluck it, and will watch and clap when his daddy plays. So when I was at Ross the other day and saw a child's guitar for only $20, I picked it up. After looking it over and tuning it, my husband said it would do for a little kid guitar. He's all ready teaching Boyo simple chords to play:

Now, Girlie's interested has shifted from music to art in the past year. Still, I couldn't get her brother a guitar without getting her something. I asked if she wanted an art set. Nope. She wanted a pink princess guitar. And she wanted to play it her way:

Wordless Wednesday

Things I Wonder...

~

... does my husband think I'm the sock fairy?

... what was my daughter thinking when she tried to shove a Trix up her nose?

... why does my son have this burning obsession to color on every wall in my house?

... do my children have an internal alarm clock that prompts them to cry the moment I lay down to go to bed?

... how can my children trash a room in the 3.1 seconds it takes me to answer the phone?

... what was my son was saying when he babbled to himself during the homily today? It sounded like he was having a conversation with the priest.

... who taught my daughter to whine "It's not fa-air!" for hours on end when she doesn't get her way?