How to tell if you have more than one child...

The first child throws a tantrum at 19 months -- you pull out all of the parenting tips from the parenting handbooks -- "Sweetheart, I understand you're angry.  Can you use your words to tell Mommy what is wrong?  Mommy loves you even if you are making naughty choices right now" -- and so on.

Second child throws a tantrum at 19 months -- you roll your eyes and ignore him until he either stops or falls asleep.

Third child throws a tantrum at 19 months -- you take a picture because it's "cute."

Yes, this is EXACTLY what parenting is like...

Chronos and Kairos

Last Thursday, the kiddos and I decided to take it easy. I had spent first part of the week in an actual classroom and the kiddos had been shuffled hither and yon as I arranged day care for them.

But at about 11 am, Boyo started getting antsy. So I figured I would take them to the pathetic park in the middle of our neighborhood to get them outside but still take it easy.

They decided they wanted to ride their tractors. Fine.

Three houses down the street, they changed their minds. They wanted to ride their tricycles.

Mildly irritated, I turned the parade around to get their tricycles.

Ten minutes later, and five houses away from home, they decided we had to go back to get their scooters.

Extremely irriated, I once again turned everyone around to go home and swap out rides.

At that moment, my neighbor, who was leaving her house, called out, "I wish my kids were young again."

Yeah, I call bulls#$% on that one.

But it reminded me of an article I had just read about how some mother's don't carpe diem.

There is a parenting sub-culture out there -- parents who enjoy their kids all the time. Who relish every minute with their little rug rat. And it pisses me off.

Why? Because it makes me feel like the worst mother on the planet. It makes me feel rotten that I don't enjoy every moment, that there are some days where I am walking out the door as my husband walks in because if I don't, I'm going to lose my ever lovin' mind. The fact that I don't "Carpe Diem" makes me feel guilty and lower than slug slime.

Which is why Glennon Melton's argument really spoke to me. Yes, some days are hard. And yes, some days have more chronos time than I would like (read the article, people. I linked to it above). I can't "Carpe Diem." I can't focus on my kids every minute, because then I don't focus on me at all. And to be a good mother -- not perfect, that's impossible -- but a good mother, I need to focus on me sometimes. And on my husband. And our marriage. And work - if for no other reason than to keep my brain sharp.

Not only that, how are you supposed to "carpe diem" when your son is shooting a clone trooper gun at everything that moves, your daughter is whining that she wants Fruit Loops, the baby is screaming her head off, the dog is barking at the wind, your husband is texting to see what is for dinner, and your boss is calling? All at the same time. If you can sieze the moment in that situation, you are a better person than I am. (Or a liar.)

Don't get me wrong, I don't ignore my kiddos. I make sure that we experience kairos time together every day (seriously, read the article. Here it is again). Whether it's early morning snuggles, or sweet angel smiles, or cooking dinner together. Sometimes I'm thankful for them when they are sitting on my lap coloring while I'm pounding away at my keyboard. Or when my son brings me a flower and says, "It for yew." Or when my daughter grins up at me and says, "Mommy, you made today a really great day." Or when BabyGirlie smiles up at me all sneakily when she's nursing (normally right before she bites). That's my "Thank you for them, God" time. It's my kairos time.

But my kairos time is not going home for the third time to get scooters to ride to the park 15 houses away from ours.

Which is why I grinned at my neighbor when she told me that she wished her kids were young again. "I'll rent mine out," I told her.

She blinked at me and then smiled back. "I don't miss it that much," she laughed.

See? I found another mother who knows the difference between chronos and kairos time.

"Carpe a couple of Kairoses a day." ~Glennon Melton

Alone Time

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Last Tuesday, Girlie is at school. And Boyo, who normally gets me all too himself on Tuesdays and Thursdays, gets an extra surprise today - Daddy was home for Spring Break.

I've never seen my son this happy. He was giggling and playing, crawling all over me and Daddy. And it made me realize - that while we are so careful to give Girlie one on one time with us since she lost that when her brother was born, we overlooked Boyo. And he needs that alone time just as much as she does. Perhaps he needs it more, because he didn't have 18 months of just baby-parent time, as Girlie did.

Sure, we do date nights, where we will take each child out alone, but how often does each child get both parents all to him- or herself?

I Do Now

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My kids' favorite word today is "Mom-MEE!" Not the cheerful, sweet "MOM-me" that makes me smile. No, today it's the whiny, bratty "mom-MEE!!" that sets my teeth on edge.

Their second favorite word today is "NO!"

Their third favorite word today is an ear piercing shriek.

Yup, it's one of those days.

For instance...

...did you know that my son is now tall enough to reach the water dispenser on the fridge?

I do now. On a positive note, my kitchen floor has been mopped.

Or did you know that my son now has the ability to open doors?

I do now. On a positive note, it will make giving him directions to get things out of his room easier.

Or did you know you can plug a toilet with a hairbrush, an Elmo bath doll, and a bottle of bubble bath?

I do now. And there is no positive note here, folks.

Or did you know that if you don't check your husband's pockets before you run a load of laundry, the pen he keeps in his shirt pocket will break in the wash and stain the inside of your washer and dryer (AND CLOTHES!) with black ink?

I do now. And my husband has some 'splaining to do.

Or did you know that librarians have powder to sop up urine when your almost potty trained three year old pees on the couch in the children's room?

I do now. And I don't think I can go back to that library.

Or did you know that when you strap your son into the cart seat at Walmart because he was throwing everything in the basket out, he can scream without stopping for an entire shopping trip?

I do now. And I also know that after five minutes, a Walmart Associate will come up to you and ask if you need any help in such a way that really means "Please shut your child up."

Or did you know that the moment you get in your son's face because he's screaming and say in a low, angry voice, "You WILL stop it right now or ELSE," the principal of your children's old school will be standing right there, with a slightly horrified look on her face?

I do now. And it was not my finest moment.

Or did you know that when you finally decide that you have had it and you cannot clean or parent any more, so you tell your kids that we are going to McDonald's for lunch because it is easy (and you don't really care about the lack of nutrition at this point), your children will suddenly morph into the best kids on the planet?

I do now. Now if McDonald's would put booze on their menu...