Potpourri

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My son walked into the kitchen as naked as can be, grabbed a dish towel, wrapped it around his neck, and looked up at me. "I hewo, MomME," he told me.

"No you aren't," my daughter shot back. "You're naked."

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Discussing swim lessons with my daughter:

"And you will learn to swim with a teacher; Mommy won't get in the water this year."

Girlie: "I don't want a teacher. I want Daddy to teach me to swim."

Daddy: "I'll teach you to swim. You probably won't like it, but you'll be water safe."

Me: "Or she'll be afraid of the water and Mommy will be P-I-S-S-E-D."

Daddy: "Either way, she's still water safe."

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I caught my daughter sucking her peas off of her plate. "What on earth are you doing?" I asked her.

"Pretending to be a fork," she told me matter of factly.

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My husband asked me the other night if we were done having kids after the baby is born. We had always said we wanted four, but now we are really tired.

"I don't know," I said with exhaustion. "Can we get through this pregnancy and the first year before we decide?"

"I suppose that is fair," he replied.

"I would sign on for one more if you could guarantee it would be a boy," I told him.

"I'm afraid I can only give you 50-50 odds," he shot back.

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I woke up to my son screaming, "MomME, I need you!" at 3 in the morning the other day. I stumbled into his room and patted his back.

"What do you need, bug?" I asked sleepily.

"Watch Hewcules now!"

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I watched my son begin stomping my daughter's back while they were lying on my bed. Since she was giggling, I didn't want to get involved... still, it looked painful.

"What's going on guys?" I asked.

Girlie giggled: "Brother's giving me stomping kisses!"

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My husband tends to snore when he sleeps on his back. So I gently tapped him the other night at two in the morning. "Honey," I said sleepily. "Roll over. You're snoring."

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

"Honey," I said, shaking him firmly. "You are snoring. ROLL OVER!"

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

"Honey," I snapped, elbowing him in the side. "You are SNORING. ROLL OVER!"

"SNARCK - snore, 'kay" was my response.

I kicked him in the shin. "WILL YOU ROLL OVER?" I whisper-yelled.

"SNARCK - snore," was my response.

But then he rolled over. So he was facing me. And proceeded to cuddle me, effectively pinning to me to the bed. And as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard: "SNARCK - snore," in my ear.

Son of a bi@#%

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Here's my parenting tip for the day: You know how all the experts/other mothers/doctors/strangers on the street tell you to "pick your own battles"?

Well, when your 2 year old son wants to put the ketchup on his plate all by himself, that is a battle you want to pick.

Ketchup will end up in his hair. And on the table. And on the yellow kitchen walls. And on his sister. And on you.