Wordless Wednesday: House Rules

Let's Play A Game

We are re-doing our yard - exchanging dirt for patio pavers. In order to do this, we have to move a TON of dirt. So yesterday morning, my husband told our kids that we were going to play a game.

"What game?" Girlie asked.

"It's called, Let's Move Dirt," my husband said.

While I smothered my laughter, Boyo piped up with, "How we play, Daddy?"

"Well, there is basically one BIG rule," my husband said, "You have to wear shoes. Other than that, you guys can make up a rule each."

Girlie decided her rule was that she got to use her pink trowel.

Boyo decided his rule was that he didn't have to wear pants.

Top Five Rules At My House

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After reading this post, I couldn't stop laughing.

And, of course, I had to see what my daughter thinks is the number 1 rule at our house.

So, according to Girlie:

"Rule #1: Brother cannot hit me.

Rule #2: Brother cannot punch me.

Rule #3: Brother cannot push me.

Rule #4: Brother has to go to the penalty box all the time.

Rule #5: I can kick Brother."

New Rules at Our House

1. You don't get to play light sabers if your opponent doesn't have a light saber too.

2. Just because you can turn on the TV doesn't mean you should.

3. Throwing pumpkins is not allowed.

4. The dog is not for riding.

5. Counters are not for climbing.

6. Baths are required after making a mud puddle.

7. You are not to use your water glass to make a mud puddle.

8. You cannot cut your own hair.

9. No one is allowed to use scissors, ever again.

10. Throwing your brother's toy over the safety gate so he cannot play with it because you want it results in being placed in the penalty box. No warnings will be given.

Definition of "Mommy"

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My soon to be 3 year old daughter just informed her Daddy that I am not a "Shannon," I am a "Mommy."

For laughs, I asked her what a "Mommy" is.

Her reply?

"Mommy is the rules."

When I asked her what she meant, she said: "Mommy is the rules. Mommy says: No, you can't take your binky out of your room. Peepee goes in the potty. Don't hit Bubba. Share with Bubba. Have a happy day. Baby Girl, stop whining. No bouncing on the bed. Shhh... no talking during nap! Eat your dinner. No juice, you had enough juice. We don't pick our nose. I love you Baby Girl. Those is the rules!"

My husband is still laughing.

As Christopher Titus said, "Living with a child is like living with a witness for the prosecution."

1001 Things I Never Thought I Would Say - And Then I Had Kids

1. Why is there cheese on my foot?

2. I don't speak tantrum.

3. Don't play with your brother's penis.

4. Don't spit on your father!

5. Don't bite the cat.

6. What do you mean, you pooped in the tub?

7. We do not paint with our poop.

8. Your brother doesn't like it when you step on his head.

9. We don't need to announce that we farted.

10. We especially don't need to announce it at the top of our lungs in church.

11. That's not poop, its your brother's private parts.

12. Do not make me count to three.

13. One. (in a serious voice.) Two... (in a quiet, menacing voice.)

14. There is not an alligator in your closet.

15. Eating your vegetables will not kill you.

16. Please eat something other than grilled cheese/mac and cheese/oatmeal/hot dog/chicken nuggets.

17. FINE! You can have cookie for dinner! Just eat something!

18. Mickey Mouse is taking a nap. Why aren't you?

19. Your sister doesn't like it when you scratch her eyes out.

20. Do you want to sit in the penalty box?

... To be continued. After all, my kids are only 1 and 2....

Candyland

Candyland is more fun when you let a two and a half year old make up the rules.

We just bought our daughter Candyland - actually my son gave it to her on HIS birthday so she would not feel left out. After he went to bed, we cracked open that game to play for the first time.

My husband patiently explained the rules to her, while I sat on the couch, shaking with laughter. After all, she's two. The rules are whatever she says they are.

"Do you understand, baby?" my husband asked.

"Um, yes," my daughter replied.

"Okay then you go first."

My daughter promptly took all of little gingerbread men, screamed "Mine" and ran behind the couch.

While I fell over laughing, my husband fetched our daughter and explained the rules to her again. This time, when he told her to go first, she pulled a card. But she didn't like that card. So she put it back. And pulled another. Didn't like that one either. Put it back. Finally pulled a card that she liked - the one that matched her gingerbread man. She promptly stuck it under her gingerbread man and announced, quite proudly: "All done!"

My husband was going crazy - after all, he is the supreme rule follower. So once I stopped laughing, I asked my daughter how to play the game.

"Well," she said. "Red means stop, green means go, and yellow means slow down."

"Hmm," I said. "That sounds like driving."

"I drive the car," she told me quite seriously. "Have keys?"

Eager to get the subject away from my two-year-old's desire to take our minivan out for a spin, I asked her what blue meant.

"Um..." she said, thinking hard. "Blue means sky."

"Great! What does purple mean?" I asked.

"Purple means go backwards," she said.

"What about orange?" I asked, holding up an orange card.

"It means ROAR!" she shouted.

Thus, having decided what the colors meant, we began to play. When we pulled a green card we went; a red one, we didn't; a yellow one, we went s-l-o-w-l-y; a blue one, we flew our gingerbread man around the room; a purple one, we went backwards; and an orange one got us to roar like lions.

After about 20 minutes of Candyland, giggles, and roars, my daughter swept all of the pieces off of the board. "I WIN" she shouted, and then marched around the room singing (no lie!), "We Will Rock You."

I can't wait to hear what the rules are for Monopoly.