And we finally have a plan....

~
The doctor's visit yesterday showed that Baby K is doing great. She's happy, moving, growing, and healthy. And, for the first time in a month, there is amniotic fluid on both sides of her, which makes my OB very, very happy.

She has also "dropped" (right on top of my bladder) and is getting into the ready to be born position. Her tush is up, her head is down, and her back is facing my stomach.

I'm ready to rock and roll. Doctor said she's not quite there yet.

So bed rest continues (son of a b#$%@) because as much as I'm losing my mind, it's working. I went to the doctor yesterday, prepared to demand either an induction or a lift from bed rest. I got neither.

I, however, am not doing so great. My blood pressure is slowly climbing and my blood sugar numbers - while they still aren't as low as they were before I went into the hospital - are covering a wide range -- from 80-190. This is not good. They should be consistently between 90-120.

So we have an end game in sight -- if she doesn't decide to be born on her own by next Thursday, my OB is forfeiting the game and going in after her.

Either way, I'll be holding my sweet little girl in a week.

I'm not sure what is worse - the boredom or the guilt...

~

Yesterday's doctor's appointments went well - Baby K was moving and grooving, she has gained a whole pound, my blood sugars are above 90, my diet is on track, and my AFI was 7. My doctor was pleased that I had "passed" being on bedrest at home for 5 days but reminded me that we had to remember what got us to this pass, so bedrest continued. Although he did modify it a bit so that I didn't have to lie in bed all the time, but I can't really go out of my house.

I gave him my litany of complaints - my hands and feet keep going numb, I keep seeing spots in my peripheral vision, my blood sugar numbers are high, and my back and sides keep hurting.

My doctor's response? Good. He said that all my complaints told him that I was following his regime of bedrest (hands and feet going numb = blood flow to the placenta, spots in my vision = vertigo from lying down, back and side pain = growing baby, and high blood sugar numbers = a working placenta). So I got no help from that corner.

Bed rest will continue for another week. After that, I'm over 37 weeks, so I'm hoping we can ease up on the rules a bit. It's more than my being bored - I feel horribly guilty.

I feel guilty that throughout May and the beginning of June I promised my kids, "We'll do that when Mommy is done with work." And now we can't.

I feel guilty that their routine has been thrown to hell and they don't get to see their friends often.

I hate and feel guilty that my husband is doing 90% of the childcare and house cleaning when I can't help and that he's not getting the breaks he needs.

I hate and feel guilty that my sister is coming over and cleaning my house and helping my husband set up for the baby instead of doing it myself.

I hate and feel guilty that my friends are feeding my husband and kids when I'm home.

I lie in bed and feel guilty and worried.

I worry about my baby girl, even as I feel her rocking and rolling inside me.

And I'm worried about me - I struggled with postpartum depression after the birth of my son, and I'm afraid that it's going to rear it's ugly head again after Baby K's birth because I'm so bored and guilty and frustrated and worried now.

Added to that, the support system that I had put into play for after the baby is born has been used while I'm on bedrest, and my husband has to go back to work in the middle of August.

Financially speaking, I have to return to work August 1st. Since I work from home, it shouldn't be a problem, but the longer I have to stay on bedrest, the shorter the time seems.

I'm worried I'm going to be on my own after the baby is born, which makes PPD worse, especially since Boyo and Girlie don't start preschool until the middle of September.

I've always been a get up and go, I can take care of everything personality. And now I can't do anything... I hate this.

Home Sweet Home

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I'm HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEE! :) :) :)

I'm still on bedrest at home. Which means I can lie in bed on my left side. After an hour, I can flip over onto my right side. I can lie on my couch for a few hours a day, sit in the lounge chair in the yard, and sit up at my computer for 30 minutes 2X a day. I can get up to shower, eat, go to bathroom, and go to the doctor. I will be seeing the doctor 4X a week, but at least I'm HOME!

Being home means I get to lie in bed and watch Tinkerbell with my daughter.

Being home means that I can lie on the couch and race cars down my tummy with my son.

Being home means I can read stories to my kids and give them kisses before bedtime.

Being home means that I can make sure they stick to their routine, eat right, and worry less.

Being home means I can be supervisory eyes on my kiddos while my husband takes care of stuff around the house. (Not that I can do anything if they are bad, but I can yell for him that it's important so he doesn't have to come running at every squeal and shout.)

And how did this wonderful event come to pass?

My AFI this morning was 9! Nine! That's three whole points above six!!

And the doppler test they did showed that the blood was flowing through the umbilical cord without a problem.

My NSTs showed that the baby is moving and healthy.

My blood sugar levels have been above 80 for the past 3 days. They are still spiking pretty high after I eat, but as my doctor put it - "Highs don't concern me as much as lows do. Highs mean you have a fat baby. Lows increase your chance for stillbirth."

I am, however, spilling ketones, which means that I'm not getting enough nutrition in my diet, which means the baby is not getting enough nutrition. The doctor wants to see if that changes after I spend a few days at home and get to eat normal-ish food rather than disgusting hospital food.

And Monday, after spending 4 days home on bed rest, I have to go back in to the office so they can run every test again - NST, U/S, Doppler, blood work, and meet with my OB, endocrinologist, and dietitian.

I'm planning on enjoying the next three days, lying on my left side.

And we are still waiting...

My U/S this morning showed that my AFI is still 6. And that the placenta is starting to show a lot of calcification which the nurse said means it is "maturing" (i.e, old).

The doctor said that she can't send me home when my AFI is the same number that it was when I was admitted. Added to that, my blood sugars keep falling to 40-50 at night which is really bad for me and the baby. We don't know why that is happening... if it's changes in diet, the placenta failing, fetal growth, or just one more thing that is wrong.

So I'm stuck.... they will run a full U/S on Thursday to "grade my placenta," check my AFI, monitor Baby K's growth and HR.

The good news is that Baby K is moving and has a normal heart rate; the NSTs show that she is doing great and unperturbed by all of this. However, if something goes wrong, it will go downhill fast so that's why they want to keep me here.

Still, I'm depressed since I'm not home with my two little monkeys. And Boyo is terrified of doctors and the machines (wouldn't you be if you were on a ventilator as a baby and have been poked and prodded your young life?), so he cries for me at home but then he cries when he comes to visit because Momma is hooked up to all those scary machines. And Girlie keeps asking when Baby K is going to pop out so Momma can come home. (Although she did realize that the nurses are the keepers of the jello, so she is excited to come visit me now.)

And as someone who has always been a "get up and go" girl, I'm bored out of my mind. I want to go home. I know Baby Girl needs to "cook" a bit longer but I am ready to be done. And I would be lying if I didn't say that I was terrified because all the doctors keep saying "We will discuss induction at 37 weeks."

Yeah, that 10 days from now.

I am not strong enough to be away from my kids like this for 10 more days.

Bed Rest

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Here is what you can do on bed rest:
-Watch a bazillion movies/TV shows
-Read three magazines.
-Read four books.
-Sleep.
-Write your daughter's thank you cards.
-Blog.
-Worry.

Here is what you can't do on bedrest:
-Play at the park with your kids.
-Tuck them in at night.
-Hug them when they call you up, crying because "Momma, I need you."
-Give your husband a break.
-Feel useful at all.

This blows.