Dinner At Our House

Last week, a friend of mine said, "We just love you and your family! We want to have you over for dinner one night!" 

And I immediately flashed to dinner the night before...

... everything was going fine until we finished saying Grace.  We had no sooner said "Amen" before mayhem broke out.

My one year old threw her fork on the floor and began digging into her dinner with her hands.

My two year old deserted the table to chase the dog, screaming, "Who's my good dog?!  I love you! Who's my pal?!"

My five year old started poking his sister in the ribs with his fork.  My husband took his fork away.  My son grinned and began licking his plate.

My six year old opened negotiations with "I only have to eat 5 bites, right?"  I said 15.  She countered with 7.  I went down to 12.  She countered with 10.  I agreed.  

My husband stared at his plate and shoveled food in his mouth. 

My one year old threw her applesauce against the wall and said, "Uh-oh.  It spill."

My two year old spilled her water on the dog.

My five year old split open his green beans and pulled out the seeds, telling me we needed to plant them. 

My six year old shoved every bite she took in my face saying, "This is bite number _____, okay, Mommy?  Do you see it?"

My husband continued eating, not making eye contact with anyone.

My one year began quietly choking on bread.  I fished it out of her mouth while threatening my two year old with a high chair if she didn't sit down.

My two year old screamed, "NO HIGH CHAIR!" at the top of her lungs and threw her fork at me.  She was sent to the penalty box while my husband dug the second high chair out of the garage.

My five year old began eating ketchup with his tomato slices.  

My six year old informed me that she does not like baked potatoes and she knows she doesn't like them so she doesn't see why she should have to eat them if she knows she doesn't like them and it's not fair that she has to eat food she doesn't like if she knows she doesn't like it.  

My husband opened his second beer and continued to eat.  

My right eye began twitching.  I threatened everyone with no dessert.  

Peace reigned long enough for me to ask what everyone's favorite part of today was.  

My six year old said the monkey bars.

My five year old said recess.

My two year old said, "Going potty and getting chocolate coin!"

My one year old screamed "POOPOO!" at the top of her lungs.

My six year old asked to be excused.  

My five year old began teasing the two year old that she was trapped in the high chair. 

My two year old began screaming and throwing food at the five year old. 

My one year old began shrieking to "GET DOWN!!!!!!!!!!!" 

...... so I thanked my friend for her offer and said we would have a night free in 5 years.