Happy Birthday my sweetheart! Today you are fifteen, but as I write this you are my sweet, last baby (unless God has a plan that I know nothing about), my one year old big girl. I almost cried when the doctor congratulated me at your one year check up, telling me that I no longer have babies... that you are officially a toddler.
But as you read this, those days are long behind you. You are 15, a young woman of your own right. And my heart breaks when I think of the baby you are (were) and then it soars with pride and wonder at what the 15 year old you will be.
I know I have told you in the past that the teenage years are hard -- I have a feeling, my love, that they will be harder for you than for your brother and sisters. Why? Because you are the baby. You have 3 older siblings that people will compare you too (I hope to God that I am not one of them, but please forgive me if I slip up sometimes). And as the baby, I know that your father and I are probably going to try to protect you a bit more -- to keep you our baby. I know in the most logical recesses of my mind that is horribly unfair to you -- but in my heart of hearts I want to keep you my baby for as long as I can. I hope I am strong enough to let you be independent. And I hope that you are strong enough to tell me when you feel as though you are not being given the opportunities you need to grow. I won't always cave to your point of view, love, but I promise to listen.
What do I want for you my darling?
I want you to be a force -- a force in the world that changes it for the better. I want you to be strong, and smart, and to try new things. I want you to fail and learn and try again. I want you to keep going until you get it right. I want to see you blossom into the woman you are meant to be -- I see traces of her in your one year old emerging personality -- the one that is larger than life, that meets each day with a grin and a faintly puzzled expression as you try to figure out what is going on. I hope the 15 year old still has that -- the determination to figure out your world as you meet it with a smile. One year old you also refuses to be ignored - our neighbors have commented on the strength of your shrieks when you feel that is happening. I hope that 15 year old you still has your voice and isn't afraid to speak up to make sure you are heard -- shrieking only when necessary.
Fifteen is a hard year, my love. Now is the time when you begin thinking about the future - college and life and careers and who you are. I can't answer all the questions you may be asking yourself and me -- but I hope you know you can still ask me and I will give you the most honest answer I can.
I also hope you surround yourself with people who will inspire you to good -- this is hardest part of being a person. Not just a teenager, but a person. People have an inherent desire to be liked and sometimes we surround ourselves with people who make us feel bad about ourselves, or who are not true friends. Ask yourself why you are friends with someone -- what do they bring to your friendship? Do they make you feel better about yourself and your world? Do they treat you with respect? Are they nice to other people -- even when they don't want to be or don't have to be? Do they try to be their best? Do they ask the right questions? Do they treat the world with respect? These are the type of friends who are worthy of you. I hope you know that you deserve to be surrounded by these type of people -- and that it is okay to remove friends from your life if they make you feel bad about yourself.
There is an unspoken belief that women should not "rock the boat." I hope your father and I have raised you to ignore that because sometimes that boat has to be rocked. It takes a brave person to rock the boat when necessary. Sometimes you will fall overboard when you do it. Surround yourself with people who will help you back aboard - people who will make you better, make you question, make you face things you may not want to face. And sometimes that boat has to be tipped over and you need to swim away and reinvent yourself.
Ask yourself daily - am I happy? And then make the choices that will make you happy. (As your mother, I feel like I need to insert a comment about long term happiness with good moral choices. Not happiness from sneaking out of the house to go to a party -- I will ground your a$$ so fast your head will spin).
You deserve every happiness. You deserve adventures, the risk of mistakes, and the joy that comes from learning and experience. You deserve smiles and laughter, music and dancing. You deserve to love yourself and your world.
I hope you know that you can always talk to me about anything -
I love you,
Mom
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