Mommy, why do you work?

First of all, let's twist that knife around a little more, love.

That was my initial reaction when Girlie asked me why I work.

But then I took a deep breath and asked her, "What do you mean?"

"Why do you have to work?"

That question is easy to answer.  To pay the bills.  Because the fun things we like to do as a family cost money.  And because the not so fun things cost money.

But there is more to it than that.  Not a working mom versus stay at home mom rant.  That's been done by others, and quite frankly, I don't have time for that drama.

I work for many reasons.

There is so much I wanted to tell her:

I work so that we can do fun things.

But I also work for myself. I work because it makes me happy even when it stresses me out.  As much as I love you and your brother and your sisters, I need something that is solely mine.  For me, that solely mine is work.   

I work because, even if our family didn't need my income to survive, I would still want to work.  Yes, that is my dirty little secret -- and sometimes it kills me that it has to be a dirty little secret.  But it's my decision -- it's how I want to keep my brain active, my skills sharp, my soul whole.  

I work because eventually you are going to grow up.  Raising you is the best job I could ever have.  But, as much as this breaks my heart, eventually you will leave and start a life of your own and you will need me less.  And I will need something for me.  

And yes, a part of me works because, Girlie, you ask me that question -- why do you work?  As if not working is somehow better than working or working is better than not working.  I've done both, my love.  I know the benefits and joys of both.  I know the stress and sadness of both.  And I can say that, for me, I am a happier mommy because I work.  I know that is not true of everyone.  But it's true for me.

I pay attention intensely because I know that I have to make the most of every minute.  I also know that working from home means that sometimes the TV is on more often than I like.  And that sometimes I let a call slide to voicemail because I'm busy dancing the Hot Dog Dance with you guys.

I know that I am extremely fortunate to get get to work from home so that I can be with you -- that many, many other mommies are not so lucky.  And I know that if I had to leave you every day to go into a place of business, I probably wouldn't work.  Getting to work from home give me the best (and worst, to be perfectly honest) of both worlds.  I hope that one day you realize that, long after you and your brother and sisters have settled for the night, I'm awake in the quiet house, pounding away at my keyboard, so that I can take you to the park the next day.  And I hope you know that I glow with contentment when I ask at dinner "What was your favorite part of today?" And you and your brother and sisters say "Playing with you."


I know that my working is not an easy path for our family.  I know that sometimes you feel like I don't have time for you.  But I want you to know, my love, that, first and foremost, I work for our family.